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Have you taken stock?

Take a minute and breathe, just for you.

No-one else, just you; marvellous, flawed, magic, human, YOU.

Cold feet

London Poet

My feet are always cold
Well, to be exact
It’s my goddamned toes
I can cover them in shoes
And socks
Untold
But they never seem to catch a bit of warmth
No matter how I wiggle them so!

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The more I know.

London Poet

The more I know of Love

the less  I know of me.

The more I live of Life

the greater the mystery.

The more I measure Time

the faster she flees.

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to my lovely mum

Words of comfort sometimes escape me, because I feel that they fall upon ears that aren’t able to draw comfort from them. Death has bought you a life your worst enemy could not wish upon you. Struggling with illness, extreme financial difficulty, seemingly never ending worry all whilst trying to find light in the dark after losing the love of your life.

I wish that there was more I could do to help you, Mum. Oh if only there were some way I could help with the worry that you have on your head. I try the best I can, sometimes it is frustrating for me. Although I try not to snap at you, sometimes my irritation at how panicked you get comes through. Yet I know that after everything you have been through, how can you live in any state but a panicked one? Everything in your life was pulled out from underneath you so suddenly and violently, no wonder you expect the worst at all times.

All those who love you can do is support you as best as we can, try to listen. I will keep telling you it is going to get better, because I have to believe it. Who knows? Maybe it will, maybe it won’t. What I can guarantee is, I’m not going anywhere, no matter how much we may annoy each other or how hard things get. I love you.

It has been a while

I no longer seem to write anything, rather than the odd journal entry in my personal journal. Whatever passion, or need, I had to write has not been forthcoming of late; but I would like to rectify that.

Essays and assignments are the only form of writing I find myself deeply entrenched in of late. Being a law student, a mature one nonetheless, renders me unable to even think about personal projects or even a simple blog. This saddens me, I hope that 2019 will bring new ideas and passions. Life seems so sorely lacking in them of late.

I Loved Vodka

I loved vodka

Nothing else could sate my soul

That paint stripper quality of a Kirov

The mellow mood that came with Smirnoff

Triple Distilled

My thirst could never have its fill

We’d chase it with lines

That grew less and less fine

As the hunger increased

And all of our money went into the belly of the beast

A change came about, most unexpectedly

When lack of sleep became the priority

Its funny how basic instinct

Can make a conscience step aside and think, ponder, wonder…

Is this all there is?

The glaring truth is….

NO there’s so much more.

I began to see the colours of the world in bold

My love for the written word has begun to take hold

The sun is starting to shine again

Once more I’m becoming whole

 

 

Anyone there?

Is anyone there? I’ve been here, alone, for so long now, that it feels as if I’m all the world yet nothing at all.

I wanted to find you within me

I didn’t want to look aimlessly up into the stars

Wondering if you were under the same ones, somewhere

I wanted you in my bed, in the here and now

Not merely a possibility

But my very real reality

Not just to be a mere possibility of my wishful thinking

Wanted to know your voice already

Not to strain for the whispers of a ghost, not yet risen

And then, the sun came through the curtains

My eyes opened and here I am

It has been nothing but a dream

And there your face is on my pillow.

 

 

 

No title.

All I have

is all I have

For all I have

I’m very glad

Sometimes my blessings are plentiful

Other times, perhaps not

One thing I know I’ll never be

is ungrateful for my lot

Our gifts are ours

and ours alone

Cherish them

Treasure them

Use them

Before they are gone.

Precious – A very old poem

(One of the very first poems I ever wrote, loosely based upon the near death of my younger sister whom almost died from meningitis, was read the last rites, but by nothing short of a miracle managed to pull through. She is now a beautiful 25 year old woman)

I’ll keep you in this box
Locked away from the sins of the world
Your porcelain skin remains perfect
Unblemished by the worries of this existenceYou can be my perfect secret
Untouched by the hands of men
Eternal youth blesses your angelic face
As you sleep forever in this hidden place

I love you,always have,always will
Even though you lay there , so still
I refused to believe when they said you were ill

Took you away where they could not reach you
Wanting so badly to keep you happy,keep you safe
When you closed your eyes that last time
I couldn’t lose you,the one thing that’s mine

So I found the best way for us to be together
Hidden from prying eyes
My child,my baby,a tiny image of me
Snatched away from my arms
But while mother is here,you will come to no harm
When my time comes,we will finally be together

I told them right from the start you are mine.
Forever.